hearing damage

A tear in the membrane

Allows the voices in

They wanna push you off the path

With little frequency wiring

But you can do no wrong

In my eyes

You’re hearing damage

Your mind is restless

They say you’re getting better

But you don’t feel any better

You speakers are blowing

Your ears are wrecking

You’re hearing damage

You wish you felt better

You wish you felt better

But at least

You can do no wrong

In my eyes

2

I don’t understand why I keep doing things in the last minute. In some way, somehow I will write a 5-page essay about global warming for tomorrow. Don’t ask.

Anyway, I have a new goal for the 25th this month, MAX 60 kg. So i need to get rid of 2 kg. Sounds reasonable to me

So lets get on with it, shall we?

 

impossible

There is no way that I’ve only gained 0,7 kg in two weeks of crazy eating. Something must be wrong with the scale.

free from it all

… I wish.

Right now it’s snowing. Sure, it can be pretty sometimes, but it’s just a major fail atm. It just melts when it touches the ground.

But lets not talk about the weather. So what have I been up to lately? Well, I don’t mean to brag but I HAVE GOT MY FREKKING DRIVNING LICENCE! I passed all my tests and now I finally have the licence!

BUT, all of this of course had its consequences. I have been eating a lot these past two weeks, and I bet I’m back to square one. I haven’t dared to face the scale. I think I will do it today. No. Actually I WILL do it today.

Aw man, I had so much to tell you but it seems as I have forgotten everything I wanted to share with you.

I’m off to the shower and the scale now.

everything that goes up, must come down

I hate it when you do really good on something, and then when you reach the peak – everything just crashes down. I can’t even describe how much I ate today. I really don’t want to write about it, I had to force myself to log on here today. I’m pretty sure that I’m on 64kg again. fuck. I don’t dare to weigh myself. Not yet. I need to calm down.

Fuck this. My neighbours son has ADHD (for real) and my bedroom shares wall with their livingroom. You guys can guess how it is for me when I’m trying to get a good nights sleep. God, I can’t wait to move out of this shithole.

I really love it when my parents tell me I should start thinking about what I eat. Just makes me feel so fucking fat. Thanks you guys. If you only knew…

wake

It’s crazy how after fasting for a long period of time, it hurts when you start eating again. After eating a plate of rice and vegetables at school, I got major aches in my stomach a little while afterwards. Maybe I was eating way too quick. Well well. I wont be fasting for a while now… In two weeks I’m gonna do a driving test and hopefully I will pass. So I will need energy until then. After that, I guarantee fasting.

wonderland

Good morning!

I have succeeded 48h of fasting and it feels great! Before breakfast I weighed myself and the scale was on exactly 62kg! I’m so happy!

*edits the follow me page*

I just changed my mind from wearing a little red riding hood outfit to Alice in wonderland. But since im not blonde, I’ll just call it Jackie in wonderland. I don’t want to wear a wig. I already have a blue dress.. so all I need is white stockings or mabye overknee socks and a blue diadem with a big ribbon. We’ll see what I can get.

Eating plans for today: Avoid as much as possible.

litte red riding hood

Today is the second and last day of my lovely little fasting. Today has been okay. I feel so weak at the moment, I have so many stairs to climb to get home since I live on a hill, PLUS the stairs at school. Oh well, it’s all worth it though.

My mom just came home with a bag of muffins… Good God, If I feel the scent of those sweet muffins I’m gonna fell so tortured. My stomach hurts, my mouth is so dry and I have the wooorst headache. I hope that the weighing scale is nice to me tomorrow, otherwise this was a torture of no reason. Well, of chourse there is a reason to all this, but if you don’t see any result from fasting for two days, who wouldn’t be upset?

My friends are planning on a halloween party next week, and I’ve been thinking about what to dress as. I have good old vampire look, but thats so worn out already and pretty boring. So I was looking around on different online shops and saw a picture of a girl with a red cape and it hit me! Little Red Riding Hood! Perfect! I recently bought this really cute dress with flower prints on, so I was thinking of wearing that with white stockings, some cute heels with a strap and then just wear a red cape above. Problem is, where the heck do I find a red cape? Maybe I’ll sew one…

Just a few hours left, Jackie! You can do this!

hear me falling

Day 1 of fasting is successful! I had a great day today. We had a presentation on our psychology experiment today and we got some really good feedback! I’m usually extremely scared of talking infront of a crowd, but somehow I managed to handle it. I’m really proud of myself

So yeah, I didn’t eat anything today. At lunch I managed to get away from my friends and I stayed in the library. The only thing that went down my throat today was 1 cup of green tea, a lot of water & ephedrine. Sounds like a pass to me

Hopefully I’ll manage tomorrow aswell, if I do, I will treat myself with a little something ^^,

Good night and stay strong

Sour

Yesterday morning my weight was 62.2 kg! Which felt amazingly good, so I was really determined to lose 2 hg during the day. But I completely  forgot that my friends were coming over in the evening, and of course they brought big bag of chips, some dipsauce and a lot of soda. I was trying to focus and think ok, I can handle this and I will not binge… You guys can guess how that went.

Around 2am when they left, I had a panic attack. How many calories did I consume? How will I get rid of it? Fuckfuckfuck. I tried so hard to purge, but I couldn’t get anything out. I didn’t dare to weigh myself, because that would only make things worse.

Tomorrow I’m starting my 2 days of fasting. I will not weigh myself until Wednesday morning.